Independence, Part II

Last year, I declared my freedom from torturing my hair – freedom from feeling less than because of my Creator-given kinks instead of holding them up with pride. It took a long time before I felt like my own hair was as glorious as that Paul spoke of…and even now, I occasionally catch myself trying to fight against my hair instead of, as I vowed, working with it. 

And it’s been an interesting year. I’ve learned a lot about my own hair since my locs’ humble beginnings as comb coils. They’ve grown, they’ve unraveled, they’ve twisted and turned. They’ve separated and been combined…and it has been quite a journey.

That was last year (I’m the one in the center)

This is me now! With hair! Hoorah!

I also declared that I was going to free myself from fake-ass hair products – perhaps I was a bit too hasty with THAT particular declaration!  I’ve discovered that nothing strips the buildup out of my hair like some of those detergents, and that some of the natural stuff just wasn’t cutting it.  Or holding it.  Or cleaning it.  I haven’t given up on natural products entirely, but I have gone back to using the products that worked for me in spite of parabens or methylcrystalline wax or…other things that I can’t even pronounce. 

(And on a complete tangent, when Mase claims that he’s buying things I can’t even pronounce in "Only You (Bad Boy Remix)" – I always assumed he was talking about expensive Italian…things… like cars and shoes and luggage.  Like when Kanye West says "pass that Ver-say-see" because he can’t actually pronounce Versace.  But now that I think about it…yes…now that I go back over it…perhaps he was talking about the chemicals in hair products…  What Mase was actually telling us was of a secret plan to buy up all the…hold on, lemme see what we’ve got here…Disodium Ricinoleamido Mea-sulfosuccinate.  Or perhaps he was going to be busy buying Benzyl Salicylate.  You know how much those rappers love their Benzyl Salicylate….or the stuff in the non-Breyers ice cream that the kid didn’t like because he couldn’t pronounce it…you know what I’m talking about, right…that commercial…with the kid? 

Anyway…  More to the point why would Mase "do it to your cat for a large amount"…what exactly is he doing to this cat?  How large is the amount? Why didn’t I ever pay attention to that before?)

So yes, a year later, I’ve discovered that perhaps I went too far with the oils-stripping, as my friend and I were recently informed, while visiting booths at a Natural Hair Show, that our locs were just too dry.  Perhaps they were just trying to sell things, but a lady from one booth actually dragged us from her booth to another lady’s booth to have her give us hair product.  Maybe they were in cahoots – but I kinda liked the stuff, so I bought it.  But I’ve also discovered that I’m at that restless stage again, where I’m not quite loving my hair as much as I had been for the past year.  I want it to be longer, or shorter, or something else… maybe a different color?  Which, yes, would require me to be less natural…
Am I willing to be naturalish?

Okay, I got it.  This year, I declare my freedom from judging myself, or others, based on hair choices.  I’m going to be label free!  Am I natural?  I mean, is anyone ever really natural?  Ever?  Really?  A few people are, but I’m not sure I’m ready to go that route yet.  And I’m also not sure that this declaration of hair-independence won’t evolve again by next year!

However, since first declaring my independence by shaving all my hair off about three years ago, I’ve discovered that my hair journey, and it has truly been a journey, is far from over, and that’s good. I’m excited to see what new twists and turns lie ahead.


About alburnet

New mom, new natural, and..for the last year...still a new teacher!

Posted on July 8, 2010, in Locking and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. Your hair is absolutely gorgeous.

  2. Congratulations! Your locs are looking brilliant. I really like that one loc in the picture that seems to be waving hello.

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